Live it!

Way back in 1977, before I moved to Memphis and was there on business for my Nashville job, Dave took me over to his brother's house. He had told me a lot about Dennis and it was apparent that he admired his older brother. When we got there, Den was under his car, doing some repairs, and slid out, shook my hand, put his arm around me and lead me into his house where he set out cookies and iced tea. It was only when we sat down and started chatting that I realized Dennis was blind.

He was blind, but he was not handicapped. I once said, gosh Dennis, it sounds like you have generally done anything you set your mind to. I suppose driving was the one thing you couldn't conquer. He then told me of the time when all three brothers were living in Memphis and had driven to Nashville to visit their parents. On the drive home, it was decided that Dennis would have his turn at the wheel. Interstate 40 has some pretty open areas, and the younger brothers soon had him in the driver's seat and with a "little bit more to the left" type of instruction, Dennis conquered that issue and was able to check that off the bucket list.

Long before Dave became ill he spoke about his fear of going blind, something that was probably inevitable, given the congenital eye disease he managed. After some discussion, he decided that after a suitable 5 minute pity party, he would just use Dennis as his role model and learn what he needed to learn and get on with living. It was about life and change, not loss, that he focused on.

About ten years ago, when it was obvious that Dave would not be with us much longer, Dennis approached his Dad and got him moving on modifying his will to replace Dave with Sam as the third beneficiary. And sure enough, a few years ago, Dennis took on the role of executor of Daddy's estate.

Lonetta, of course, has been Dennis's eyes and through her vivid descriptions, Dennis enjoyed family vacations throughout the Southeastern US. Lonetta had some health issues, and Den was the cook and chief cheerleader over the years. They have been quite a team.

Last night I received a text message from Dave's younger brother Andy that Dennis collapsed and could not be revived and so, we have "lost him" as Andy wrote.

There are no plans for a memorial service of any kind. Andy wrote that that was Dennis's intention. It reminded me once again, that funerals are really not for the dead, but the living. They give us a chance to say a last goodbye. But, like a wedding planned by the participants and not their parents, why not plan your own funeral or the lack of one? It is, afterall, Dennis's death.

I have learned over the years, the loved ones who pass are still with us. Dave, my mom and dad, my grandparents, Dave's mom and dad, and Betty-the wonderful neighbor who saved my life when I was sick with meningitis, all of these people flash into my memory and make me aware, once again, of their place in my life.